2012: Its time...

I want to feel love

I want a to light a thermite burning fire

I want to feel the burn scorching the earth

I want to fufill all my dreams and desires

I want warrior man by my side

Not a man who flinches at potential pain, runs and hides

Are you willing to fight for me?

Are you willing to fight with me at your side?

Will You die for me?

Live and breathe for me?

Do you care for me?

Because if you don't then you should just leave now.

Because I believe its about time for some well deserved attention...

I really don't want anymore questions.  


I really don't feel the need to explain myself anymore.

If you don't have an answer, that's fine for someone else...

But while you just blinked, I spread my wings and flew away.....

Thoughts on Freedom: 220 Later

220 years after the Bill of Rights was ratified, Congress passes the #NDAA bill ‘legalizing’ the indefinite detention of individuals. 

Everything else you have done in the past or will attempt to do in the future has become completely insignificant at this juncture as you have attempted to destroy our guaranteed rights!

The fundamental tenants of the American Constitution have been circumvented and dismissed by your attitude of politics over principle, corruption & complete lack of leadership.

You clearly communicated via your votes over the past week that the opinion of the American People who you are mandated to represent do NOT matter.

You clearly communicated via your votes over the past week that the Constitution on which you took your oath to protect on behalf of the American People is not important when considering your actions.

You have completely dismissed educated opinions of SME's (subject matter experts including the FBI, the engineers of the internet) who have advised you of the dangers, constitutional illegality of the #NDAA & #SOPA as well as #wethepeople you have not listened. You did not even so much as miss a beat with #NDAA.

Clearly the agenda which you drive is not one to protect #wethepeople or the Constitution. 

Your lack of accountability in matters: as #madoff #mfglobal #lightsquared #Solyndra among many other potentially exposing high-level internal corruption, incompetence, illegality, mismanagement, waste fraud and abuse has not been the focus.

Instead your priorities have been focused on prosecuting 6 stolen cows with drones, raw milk from an Amish Family in PA, and a hacker who attempted to deface Gene Simmons website. This is indicative of an agenda which is systemically flawed and misguided.

You have betrayed us, the Constitution and the American public. 

#wethepeople and the #theworldiswatching 

Sincerely, Susan

• 
  

Thoughts On Freedom: NDAA

Thoughts On Freedom:  

Been thinking about NDAA all week...

Why the NDAA petrifies me on so many levels.

First a question: Why they are so quick to almost unanimously and without the usual partisan politics pass this bill so quickly? 

Flying it through both House & Senate... 

They haven't even been able to pass a budget for 2 years. 

But they can cross party lines & throw my rights out the window in record time?

Something doesn't smell right....Not in the least.

The detention, denial of due process is so UN-American (full stop) it ignores the fundamental protections (thoughtfully deliberated over MANY revisions, letters etc)

granted by design of the US Constitution & Bill of Rights.

An Example:

  Susan visits <XXXX> City in<XXXX> State

The Police, DHS <insert various agency here>  (violating Posse Comitatus :  (before SOPA gets rid of it here's a primer:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posse_Comitatus_Act)

"think" she is <XXXX, with a completely unclear definition of what XXXX is...What is, is?> 

OR may have relationship or association with <XXXX>

  

So they "snatch" her up to assumably PROTECT YOU (see next post for whistleblower rant).

"They" don't allow her to make a phone call, retain counsel etc.

(deny her due process:The Fifth Amendment provides in part that

No person shall ... be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law)

Detain her (Deny Her Habeas Corpus  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Habeas_corpus),

for as long as they want, (she never has the opportunity to prove her innocence)

  She is denied due process, and essentially disappears.

There for as long they feel like it... That is barbaric, unjust and Un American. 

Regardless of if you are an American citizen or not. 

(This is what has set us apart on the International level for many years.)

If the suspect is not a US citizen deport to home country. 

On what grounds do we now stand on the international stage when hikers, corporate employees, international aid workers, your college age backpacking kids are snatched and imprisoned, they disappear?
Because they are suspected as "spy's" aka enemy combatants <insert that viscous XXXX here>....you, their parents, employers, NGO's argue for their release. The hikers in (Iran), the aid workers(various countries) were recovered.  

Until now.  

Please tell me, why would the KSA release a US citizen from their detention center when NOW you have detained their SUSPECTED citizen without any rights?

You will deny anyone who enters The US the same? Secret prisons for detention of ANYONE w/ out due process is WRONG!

So next time I travel, if I get picked up, thrown in "detention", potentially tortured (maybe raped, water boarded etc.) bcse I'm "suspect"of being a conscientious objector, spy, blonde, non believer, hiker, wrong religion etc it's OK for them to keep me detained?  Who will fight for me?

They will deny ME due process, a phone call, lawyer etc because that is what happens to their citizens in AMERICA when they come here! I have traveled to many places over the years.  Knowing that if I disappeared The US State Department had a good network and diplomatic relations to ensure I wouldn't just disappear and they would try to get out.

Where is that incentive the next time?

This is a complete atrocity on so many levels! This is not a solution this is a failure of statesmanship and society.

THIS is UN AMERICAN

Thoughts On Freedom: My Poor America

I believed in "you".

 

I fought for "you".

  I gave up everything for "you". 

I gave my heart. My soul.  Risked EVERYTHING, all I had. 

I STOOD firm for "you" when "you" called.

Yet "you" have turned "your" back on me.

More importantly on the collective "We" "The People". 

Where are the Statesman?

Where is "our" Representation?

"Your" actions speak louder than "your" words ever will.

"Your" words are from now on simply just that...

Empty meaningless words.

You have betrayed "me" and "we".

Sincerely, The Invisible Voter "Me"

System Reset: September 11th, 10 Years Later BSOD....Part 4

I'm not angry at any particular group of people.

I'm not holding a grudge...

I am still raw, still bleeding a little bit every time people hate for things that simple kindness and rational consideration, respect and love should over come.  Reasonable, kind people..Maybe we are all in hiding....kind of like me.  Trying to heal long enough to put ourselves back into public and do something good.  Or maybe it's just me...Whatever it is, it is...

I wrote this morning:  I'm so done with our elected politicians, government officials spewing hatred, dividing the people with rhetoric.  What ever happened to statesmanship, leadership and substance?  Who are these people?  I am certainly NOT proud to tell my kids that they represent us.  They are failing.  It seems as if we are sliding backwards into the dark ages again.  Feudal societies based on false promises, premises and lack of general good will toward humanity.  Do you think if you donate $ to the right cause that it absolves you of responsibility to humanity?  You can put lipstick on a pig...but it's still a pig at the end of the day.


I occasionally lose my tolerance for inane conversation, conventions and actions people take about things that don't really matter...

My personal rule of seven invades the conversation... In my silence, my mind goes through my decision tree....will it affect me or anyone around me seven years from now... Life, death, dismemberment, marriage, birth etc....sigh...

Listening to people get upset about things like their eyebrows not being waxed correctly, diet coke vs. pepsi, italian or mexican tonight, the right colored shoes or that I didn't put my pencils in the correct order or straight enough become gratingly irritating and push me farther away keeping me distant and from wanting to engage with people.  It is painful.

It makes me feel like I don't belong here...

Surface not substance....

I've always felt the need to help people...my entire life.

Maybe because I understand what it is to be hurt, to be alone, to feel pain, to not have a voice, to be hungry, to be happy to just breathe, wake from sleeping, not to bleed, to pull my self back up once again when all I want to do is sit quietly and not have people yelling at me or around me. 

I travel....I seek....I go, I go often...My social bank is empty...from people who want me to either be something I'm not or fit into what they envision me to be....Some say I run from reality, but in fact, I am just trying to see what reality fits me best. 

Why I like to be with people who just can look into my eyes and not want a thing but to see hope from the smile on my face, the sparkle in my eye...from one survivor to another...They are my gift of hope....I can give to them and them to me.... It is a mutually beneficial relationship.  One that needs no words not money no pomp and circumstance only a heart, hope, humanity and love.....

I am better at playing pick up cricket in 125F in the desert with field workers from 3rd world countries around the globe...than I am sitting at a baseball game with kids complaining about not having the right shoes Prada or Adidas....

Sometimes I feel like I am so disconnected from my own kids because what is important to them is far from what is important to me.  I feel like maybe if I just sit in silence from now on, they will ask my opinion when they want it.  Whenever, I offer it, I just get the usual tween lip service. I'm tired, and it hurts...  The little people who I love more than anything in this world have grown away from me...I don't understand video games, violent movies and have no desire to expose myself to it...I don't want to talk war, types of weapons, strategy, I can talk about puppies, animals but not about the importance of one type of shoe or nail polish for very long.   (But I feel bad because, I wish I had a place to have a puppy, horse, garden) I try to involve all the kids in the neighborhood and play but there has come a point all they want to do is push my buttons...See how far they can go...I want them to be socially responsible individuals.  It is a balancing act.  I think they are pretty angry with me right now. 

I'm not knocking wealth and all it brings...I have had the ability to do more than I had ever dreamed or hoped.  $ provides the ability to do so many more things, always trying to expand and stretch both my and my kids minds.

But when you have been broken, kicked and beaten so many times, gotten up and watched others and tried to help them get something that we so obviously take for granted so much of the time...freedom, food, simple respect it is hard to digest how something so unimportant to some is so important to others.

Again I'm not judging just observing my feelings.  I've been thinking long and hard about this for 10 years, toes traveling around the globe...trying to figure out what it is to be both me and free.

If I could just figure out how to make a living smiling and giving hope to our future in some way (children) I would be free....

System Reset: September 11th, 10 years later Part 3.

So what do you do?  After painfully watching each movement of the clock tick......breathe... tock...for the first time in your life you are helpless...not able to go in and pull him and your friends out....waiting to see if your 9 month old twins have a father....your friends are still alive?...Your world is shattered into a billion pieces...with no safe harbor in sight.

do you cave? do you cry? do you bury yourself in day to day life...fearful, waiting for the other shoe to drop?

I knew for years something was going to happen...it was in the back of my mind always.  But that is another story.

Well I did the opposite, drove on....I decided If I don't stand up and live (regardless of who is at fault) then would I would rot away and get hit by a cab never choosing to live again...how...pathetic....how just wrong...how boring...that was not who I was meant to be.

So I stood up, threw my shoulders back once again and flipped the terrorist world the proverbial middle finger:

Got on a plane with the kids on a planned vacation a few weeks after. Went to DC during the anthrax scare to visit friends.

Pushed my limits on what I believed: hired a Turkish, Muslim au pair (didn't work out, not because of her religion for other reasons) to show that it is only the loudest 1% of EVERY religion, political groups etc. that get's the major news media to cover them simply because sensationalism sells.


Sold the house, moved back into NYC across the street from the WTC center after clean up so my kids could see their dad while growing up...50k less jobs in lower Manhattan w/ 2 towers gone made his commute go from a little over 1 hour to over 2....when you work from 5 am to 9pm...not much time for anything else.

Got a beautiful apartment on the 6th floor knowing the NYFD ladder companies go up 8 floors in Manhattan. But just in case they were busy else where had the windows prepared to pop out with two twists of a screw driver..emergency back pack, exit strategy, 5 point harnesses to hook the kids to me and repel in my harness and out of my 6th floor window to safety.

Sent my husband to work with a chem-bio suit a few rolls of duct tape and thick mil plastic sheeting, MRE's....

Positively crazy to some....risk reduction in my mind. But what I hadn't realized was.....

I'm not super woman....The PTSD decided to rear it's ugly head to raw, too close, too real once again, too much previous trauma bubbling to the surface ...

So I pushed harder: took the kids on the subway, central park, museums, I wanted them to live, breath and see everything the world has to offer....Choosing LIFE...

The loud sounds made me cringe....throw myself over their stroller hit the ground...look for every exit, egress point of cover in a room...scanning, watching, sensing everything....I'd try to calm myself and tell myself that all was ok. The noise, the lights, the sirens, the overwhelming desire to protect was exhausting....wondering if the mounted police were ok.... Needed anything...surely if I was feeling it...they must really be screwed tight.

I started to spiral into exhaustion...If this was living (which is what I thought it was)..constantly in battle mode, hyper aware,vigilance completely trying to protect the most precious things I had to give to this world....I became a hermit in a sense...in my own head...Not knowing how to help, fight or not be crying after every siren sound...hoping that everyone was going to be alright.

Trying to keep my brain from exploding...when the kids safely went to sleep....trying to sleep period not sleeping for more than a few hours, waking with vivid recollections of the past, night terrors and dreams re living the present...all the permutations, combinations...What am I missing...I must be missing something....feverishly trying to solve the puzzle.... and then somewhere around then....

I must have popped...I don't remember many things during that time....I'm pretty sure my brain must have just put itself into waking sleep mode....I try to remember...sometimes when I'm reminded it's too painful and makes me feel worse.

Every Christmas I still think of all the kids who lost parents, spouses, parents who lost kids....I still worry and feel sad for them...

I think one of the best things I did post 9-11 was to get rid of my television. At least I knew that was huge trigger in my head. I still can't look at a picture of the towers, walk through the subway station down there, feeling like the lost souls in the buildings I failed them some how....I feel their presence, pain and my anguish knocks me down to a blubbering woman who can barely breathe....the tears flow and I can't stop them...

I avoid looking at the site..Some say face your sorrow, fears etc...I am fabulous at looking fear straight in the face doing damage control, and getting it all on track, doing triage for chaos...but what I have learned about myself is that my heart aches forever....and I'm still not ready 10 years later....

K,C Intermission :D

Well, I've been absorbed in mediocrity
Been hollowed by uncertainty
I've taken all of my beliefs
And given 'em up
Cause there's no guarantee
Of a god or longevity
Admit you don't know anything
And give it up

Singing, I don't know if I've been reborn,
Lived a past life, suffered in another time,
I don't know

Singing, I don't know if I've been reborn,
Lived a past life, suffered in another time,
I don't know

Give it up, give it up, give it up

Well I don't know what to believe anymore
But every now and then I feel a moment of awakening
But then it's gone, then it's gone, then it's gone
I'm blanketed by the warmth of ignorance

Singing, I don't know if I've been reborn,
Lived a past life, suffered in another time,
I don't know

Singing, I don't know if I've been reborn,
Lived a past life, suffered in another time,
I don't know

If I'll go somewhere special when I die
If I'll go somewhere special when I die
So I'll just go on living my way

There's a strength in duality
Penetrate mentality
Give it up, give it up
Learn from casualty
Don't have faith in anything
Give it up, give it up

Singing, I don't know, no, I'll never know
I'm giving up

Singing, I don't know if I've been reborn,
Lived a past life, suffered in another time,
I don't know

If I'll go somewhere special when I die
If I'll go somewhere special when I die
So I'll just go on living my way

System Reset: Sept 11 Ten Years Later Part 2

Going a bit Jack Kerouac on everyone this week (without the drugs, alcohol and external stimulants) so no spell checking, essay like writing (not like I ever do that except in business..) but if I don't say it...I'll never get it out...I'll remain silent thinking it all in my head.... So here we go...In no particular order...Just random ruminations, feelings, things I've been stretching my mental floss over for the past 10 years. Virtual Vomit on board!

My life put in a perspective by a friend last week:
(I had a puzzled look on my face while contemplating recent events and digesting comments)

I said:  Why me?  I'm really quite simple. What is there not to get? Rolling my eyes and shaking my head....

Friend:

"Susan, (insert substantial pause with that curvy eye brow wiggle looking up to the ceiling that people do when they are contemplating what to say AND how to say it politely)...People have NO idea what to think of you, let alone what to do with you?...

You simply defy the laws of....well....lots of things.  Really, everything.  YOU are just NOT NORMAL!"

Me:  Last time I checked....I figured out, I didn't have to be...Normal.  So I wish people would just deal with it.  (Not that I am smart) but when did normal people become ANYTHING but batteries? 

My life had been like watching and waiting for one car crash after another....If there is a god/higher power etc...s/he is just waiting to see if I pull up my boot straps, figure out I still am here, a couple more scars and wait for me go at it again....Damn energizer bunny (I don't look good in pink though so I'll take the faux fur but in a nice shade of periwinkle and maybe some dark blue lightning bolts down my spine...and an Om sign across my chest instead of "energizer").... is what they call me....

So at any rate.  I'm still here...I'm betting I'm not done with whatever I'm supposed to do...Maybe I'll never know...but h*ll if I'm not going to give it everything I have...skidding into home base and fighting for every last breath.

Time for Kleenex and coffee... This shit is really emotional for me...I've been keeping it in for an awful long time....

BRB (before I edit or delete LOL)  NO FILTER ON....Think whatever you want....It's my life, my story and you will perceive it however you wish....I'm just me....

System Reset: Sept 11 Ten Years Later Part 1

Part One

Trying to make sense and move forward after my life's BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death)..

Watching the walls breath, feeling my heart in my head, watching my life once again flash in front of my eyes.  This time the flash is permanently etched in the synapses.  No going back only moving forward.

Questioning everything, the reality and meaning of it all... Which road to take.

Moving forward with a purpose for the moments I have left.


I would rather be ashes than dust--

I would rather my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze

Thank it should be stifled in a dry rot.

I would rather be a superb meteor,

Every atom of me in a magnificent glow,

Than a sleepy and permanent planet.

Man's chief purpose is to live, NOT to exist:

I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.

I shall use my time.

                          Jack London

Disturbing Counter Productive Communication Trends (short version) 25 January 2011

Lately I have noticed an extremely disturbing counterproductive trend in communications. I'm not talking about using 50 cent words, being formal or pontificating. You can say things in extremely simple language and get your point across. I always try to be inclusive not exclusive in my dialogue.


What has become of polite well founded methods of communication. It seems people want to want to one up every one. Winning the "ARGUMENT"! This is not an argument, it is life, subject to change at all times.

I'm not talking or typing to hear or read myself. I want to engage! That is how I learn. I want people to communicate from their diverse perspectives. The more eyes, ears and perspective I can engage the more closely we can tailor solutions!

Communication seems to be spinning into a degrading online name calling match not just on Twitter but in media period. A virtual acronymfest. You shouldn't need a specialized dictionary to talk to someone.

People sense hostility sometimes even invent it online. If they don't understand something or the lexicon of language they either shut down, too afraid or embarrassed to ask or go on the defensive, hackles up and strike back.

Who does this help? No one.

I've witnessed Ad Hominum Attack's across the board, left, right, etc…The crap I have seen lately is atrocious, rude and just plain counter productive to any sort of dialogue.

You can disagree with people all day long BUT if your premise has any merit, logic or validity at all you would not have to resort to this methodology while trying of get your point across. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt the first time. I even admit (G_d forbid) when I have misunderstood something and go back and try to re think the issue.

Here are the ones I've witnessed in the last 30 seconds in my feed (not necessarily a representative sample but all too common): libtard, petty, bigoted, mean-spirited, lames, teahadists, capitalist pigs, etc…..

What does this accomplish? Nothing. It diminishes positions AND makes me NOT want to engage with you. If I notice this type of conversation your conversations with me stops. It is ok to disagree. But your position is completely diminished by your intolerable unfounded attacks. You know me from twitter or my blog, or a sound bite, picture piece of media etc. You have never walked a mile with me nor I with you.

So let's find a common ground and work from there. The hasty tempers provoked by insults divide us not bring us together.

Divided we WILL fall…Together we will rise and be unstoppable.

Be well, supply avenues to understanding and peace will come. Open your mind, your heart and leave your rhetorical attacks at home.

Hoping for peace, global solidarity with hugs to the world,

S

I remember you...August 18, 2011

I remember you, THANK you and will stand by you always.

I've grown tired of politics playing you as pawns.

I've grown tired of a small non representative nano section of my country spinning fear into hate and the majority of you and humanity feeling the sorrow.

I've grown tired of the games they are playing with every single one of your lives, well being and support.

This is not what you signed up for....fought for...and died for....

The New Colossus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand

A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips.

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Emma Lazarus, 1883

America was once a sanctuary for all....I will fight for your well deserved sanctuary and peace for all. Rest my friends rest.

For the Soldier, Vet all American's...

Ronnie Dunn — 12. Love Owes Me One

Ronnie Dunn

• 

Cost of Livin'

• Written by: Phillip Coleman/Ronnie Dunn (SESAC)/(BMI)

  Everything to know about me is written on this page
  A number you can reach me
  My social and my age
  Yes, I served in the army
  It’s where I learned to shoot
  Eighteen months in the desert
  Pourin’ sand out of my boots
  No, I’ve never been convicted of a crime
  I could start this job at any time

  I got a strong back
  Steel toes
  I rarely call in sick
  A good truck
  What I don’t know
  I catch on real quick
  I work weekends if I have to
  Nights and holidays
  Give you forty and then some
  Whatever it takes
  Three dollars and change at the pump
  The cost of livin’s high and goin' up

  I put Robert down as a reference
  He’s known me all my life
  We attend the same church
  He introduced me to my wife
  I gave my last job everything
  Before it headed south
  Took the shoes off of my children’s feet
  Food out of their mouths
  Yesterday my folks offered to help
  But they’re barely gettin’ by themselves

  I got a strong back
  Steel toes
  I rarely call in sick
  A good truck
  What I don’t know
  I catch on real quick
  I work weekends if I have to
  Nights and holidays
  Give you forty and then some
  Whatever it takes
  Three dollars and change at the pump
  The cost of livin’s high and goin' up

  I’m sure a hundred others have applied
  But rumor has it you’re only takin’ five

  I got a strong back
  Steel toes
  I’m handy with a wrench
  There’s nothin’ I can’t drive
  There’s nothin’ I can’t fix
  I work sunup
  To sundown
  Ain’t too proud to sweep the floors
  The bank has started callin’
  And the wolves are at my door
  Three dollars and change at the pump
  The cost of livin’s high and goin’ up

  ©2011 Tractor Radio Songs (SESAC) ©2011 Sony/ATV Tree Publishing Co./Showbilly Music (BMI) All rights obo Showbilly Music controlled and adm by Sony/ATV Music Publishing, 8 Music Square West, Nashville, TN 37203. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

What Are We Capable Of - THIS IS ANONYMOUS!

Acceptance: Pretty Little Boxes VI

Acceptance, Tolerance, Love, Freedom:

And the Rocket's Red Flares with Bombs Bursting in the Air....Notice 2 red dot's statue of liberty...... one above Chrysler, Printers and Empire.....I don't care if you.....

believe in this:

Or any of these:

Through:

We Need to Learn to:

While potentially wearing this:

Or sometimes I debate thinking about wearing:

In the appropriate country out of respect (or to get the h*ll out without being noticed) in this:

However, in order for humanity to survive: The Collaborative MAJORITY Must predominately think with:

THIS:

<3, <3, <3 to ALL!

RANDOM RUMINATIONS FROM YOUR TRAVELING TOES....

AC/DC - Thunderstruck.....

I was caught
In the middle of a railroad track
I looked 'round,
And I knew there was no turning back
My mind raced
And I thought what could I do?
And I knew
There was no help, no help from you
Sound of the drums
Beatin' in my heart
The thunder of guns!
Tore me apart
But then again you never expected a girl with thunder flowing in her veins....