The Most Popular Question of the Month

I've been dwelling on this for a few weeks now....

I keep being asked the following question:

"So Susan, what do you want to do now?"

My reply several times when people inquired with that question:

"Well I can tell you what I am good at, finding diamonds in the rough, seeing patterns, the ability to filter background noise and simplify things.  I am good at getting people to play nice in the sandbox.  I am resilient and seasoned enough not to let the small stuff bug me.  I still smile at very simple things.  I can remind myself of how fortunate I am even in the worst situations.  I can manage a whole herd of people in the midst of chaos without losing my calming voice and smile....I can compartmentalize to survive..to stubborn to die.  I understand data it's black and white.  One's and Zero's.  On and Off.  It is logic in it's most pure form.  Don't tell me what can't be done.  Tell me what you can do first.  Tell me your end goal you seek.  Let's figure out in an unfettered way what hurdles we need to overcome, either perceived or actual.  Give me a white board, a cocktail napkin let me think outside the box with a development team, get them to stretch their imaginations.  Because nothing is impossible.  Sometimes,  I think so far outside the box people I have a hard time without a white board explaining things.  That and I am usually so passionate and excited about what I am thinking I talk at warp speed.  So excited I want to give every minute detail of the logic involved in my thought process.  I am so passionate I want to make sure I give you everything...Virtual Vomit to make sure I am presenting it in a way in which different factions of my audience can all understand.........WHEW!"

Response:  "But Susan I didn't ask you what you are good at, I asked you what do YOU WANT to do?"

I said:  "I'll have to get back to you on that one, I've never taken the time to truly contemplate what exactly I want to do."

So it started me stretching my own thoughts... A very good exercise in personal growth and an awesome reality check.

So let's see the patterns:  I love kids, I love animals, I love old people, I love puzzles, I love researching, I love learning, I love helping people who are in need of help.

Little known facts:  My first job (after babysitting) was I had a paper route, bought my first pair of ski's with my earnings.  Bought my second pair of ski's. Taught skiing to little kids.  Worked as a lifeguard, camp counselor, I was trained as a CNA in the Decca program in high school...worked at St. Mary's in the kitchen for the retired nun's...(Obviously they didn't talk me into being catholic a nun or nurse) I couldn't stand the way people were treated at the nursing home I was working at when I was 17...Gave up on medicine.  Knew it would kill me emotionally. I've made cookies, worked in a factory making wiring harnesses for washers and dryers.  I can change my own tire, oil, replace the regulator and take out my radiator and replace it with one I pulled out of another VW 1977 Rabbit at the junk yard.  Enough random facts about me.  I've worked my whole life and I'm never going to be embarrassed about it again.  (remind me to write about that one)

I've always wanted to be an explorer of sorts, hang with Jane Goodall and embrace all the diversity that exists in this wonderful journey of a life.

I feel most alive when I am pushing every personal limit to the edge (not just for the adrenaline)....I believe that is what LIVING is all about in every cell of my existence.  I could be among those who are just waiting to die....But to hell with that in a hand basket!  If I don't go get what I want no one else is going to do it for me....that I know for damn sure.

So I still don't know what the answer is...yes or maybe there is no definitive answer.  Perhaps, it is all about traveling, tasting, feeling, breathing, loving, helping, embracing chaos that is this life in which we live.

What's on my bucket list?:

• I'd love to write several books.  I have a lot to say.  It is just an overwhelming task that I can't do by myself right now.  I would love to help people through my stories.  I want to leave a legacy for my children.
• I want to go to Svalbard, Norway lie under a big furry blanket on a lawn chair and stair at the Aurora Borealis and dream of all the possibilities that exist in space and on earth.
• Along with that I'd love to dog sled across the tundra and live in an igloo.
• I COVET shoes.  That said I can never find ones that I like.  I have a design in my head.  I would love to make custom shoes and I will.  I've gone as far as how to make "lasts" when the holiday break settles me I will make my first pair of beautiful woman's shoes for myself.
• I would love to have more kids, adopt them whatever.  Im adopted.  I think I turned out fairly well.  Why not give a child a home...
• Ride a horse across India with Relief Riders International and bring school, medical supplies to villages in Rajasthan
• Help people in poor parts of the USA. Reintroduce responsible agriculture, citizenship.
• My goodness this is just off the top of my head.
• Children are our hope for peace. We need to invest in them...Not just make factory workers.  Teach them how to learn for themselves.

But all of this takes money (the necessary evil) so now I have to figure out how to profit from what I want to do and do the other things for the rest of humanity.

Happy Friday!

Managing Chaos With A Smile!

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow”~ Thomas Paine  Thank you Mr. Paine! 

Why Projects Fail: Are you listening? The beginning

Why Projects Fail:  Reason #1 Plus a HUGE "fictional" rant! #1 :D

Someday's I want to scream at the top of my Executive Management/Klingon Translator/Psychotherapist/Sociologist GEEK lungs:

STOP the HEMMORGAGING! NOW!  

I have seen this so many times in my professional career I can't count...People seem to forget the most basic principles of having a successful on time, budget project:  

Listen to your CLIENT!

You are not making this uber cool flashy gadget that doesn't meet the fit, form and function of what is desired by the CLIENT! Turbo Geek!( That's what being a game designer is about!) YOU are creating this product with the CLIENT's FIT, FORM, FUNCTION and PRICE POINT for the CLIENT! (Remember, the guy who is paying your bills)

Cut the project until you realize what your client (internal or external) actually wants AND needs!  What does the end product, the tool/infrastructure/process need to accomplish?  Fit, form, function with price point in mind. 

The ideas for the intended solution are usually well formed in someones head and spot on to solve a REAL NEED.  So idealistically this would both translated clearly by the analyst and executed, and implemented by the assigned team.  Now back to reality:  Pragmatically speaking, during the meetings, which are about upcoming meetings preparing for meetings everything is garbled and lost in translation.  The original intent, fit, form and function have been molded into something entirely different than what was actually the business need in the first place. 

Nine times out of ten, when I walk into an organization (usually to resolve something no one else wants to deal with A.K.A. they are going for a Executive Director promotion or incentive bonus and don't want to ruffle feathers or say the things that are usually hard for someone in that position to say.  Like we are #FAILING to produce a product you actually need...Or we look like we are on budget because we have been cutting corners...

So "we" continue building something that meets some "check in the box" for a milestone (but really doesn't actually because we just skewed the statistics a bit) and looks like a nice shade of Green on the C-Level dashboard for the morning meeting.  

The fact that the C Levels usually are so hands off or don't understand what is under the hood is is a good thing for this type of manager.  They will most likely get the promotion. The user will be frustrated.  The "profit center" will continue to think of the IT Shop as a "cost center" that looks like a bunch of pocket protector douche bags. 

Hence, the vicious cycle continues...Economic downturn "profit center" who rules the house says cut "the cost centers" the COO says darn "IT" they are a huge "cost center" look at all that "stuff" they keep buying and OH the care and feeding costs!   The CIO is now running around trying to figure out how to strategically keep the business running without people or equipment.

<<<Begin "fictional" rant>>>:

Then, as I like to say: Sooner or later they have a moment of clarity when things start failing and/or falling apart the guy they hired to be the "IT Manager" is now supposed to not only be a manager but SME in Networking, Security, Help Desk, Telecommunications, Fix the BES the CFO's Blackberry crashed.  Then you run frantically to try to restore the CEO's hard drive which failed (usually because they were surfing something they shouldn't have been (if only they were security savvy). Of course this all happened while he was travelling.  It couldn't possibly be the CEO's fault! CEO get back to the office jet lagged from traveling and starts yelling! Now all of the sudden you are both an A+ tech and a forensics expert.  It needed to be done NOW!  You now barely audibly whisper "Do you know when you last backed up your hard drive, or plugged it into the network?"  RAGE ensues you worthless IT minion!

Back in your office (maybe just a cube now)  You begin to try to surf and figure out what is wrong and how to fix it.  Is the hard drive spinning at all?  Is it the blue screen of death?  You call  "insert whichever laptop vendor" and pray either it is still under warranty or we have a service contract with vendor X......you sit waiting on the phone for 4 hours listening to elevator music and AHAAAA! you figure it out!  Thank goodness!  

However, while looking at the log files as to why they failed you realize your has a virus which he successfully installed while traveling in China.  The CEO most likely bought a DVD from the "Ubuy DVD Man" on the side of the street in Shanghai bored of watching the only English news station recycle the censored stories for the 50th time.  The CEO inserts the DVD which boots up (the embedded exe takes off and viola, phone home to Mao Tse Tung's Momma with all that corporate intelligence) Your "pristine church going" CEO's computer is infected because he watched porn.  (How do you look at the CEO the same way without giggling silently under your breath?) You drop a hint he got a virus and VIOLA miraculously the CEO realizes you are NOT an IT GOD/GODDESS  that is an SME of everything that plugs in the wall.  AND FINALLY they realize they can't function without both the Equipment and IT staff to run it.  Sometimes they get away with a "band aid approach of outsourcing for awhile.  So everyone is unhappy and nothing useful has been accomplished. 

So you wonder how long your job will last.. at the company because the CEO can not have you potentially exposing the secret. Tick Tock Starts the clock....Here we go again.

 <<< End of fictional RANT>>> 

So my main point is:

It is not technology that solves the problem! It is understanding the people and the processes they use to try to reach the goal! Technology just enables! Understand the people, the processes and the goal and you will WIN! Not the other way around!

More later....I'm tired!

Pretty Little Boxes ( A continuation rant for Veterans)

The Private Sector Steps up for Vets: Well Done Microsoft

Currently HR and employers have been looking for a specific criteria to fill positions. I call it "checking the boxes". When resume's come into your system's inbox the hiring formula is spun around and spits out what it considers to be viable candidates. Then they are filtered through HR (if they make it that far to a hiring manager) who unless she/he are prior service has not been trained to make the translation from military experience into the traditional "check the box" skill set.

So with the lack of translation there is no "special value" attached to a military skill set. However, if you dig deeper what you will find that what doesn't quite articulate into the traditional box is exactly what you are looking for in an efficient, productive and loyal employee to augment the organization.

So while veterans may not look "good" on traditional paper or check the boxes it certainly doesn't mean they don't have the experience. A majority of service members have not had the time nor propensity to pay attention to water cooler gossip. They have seen and experienced and shown or driven more team work than most management teams. They have done it while in intensely stressful environments, constantly adapting and overcoming on the fly. They know how to deliver. While in service to their country no matter what their designation, most likely someone's life was or is on the line if they didn't deliver.

How does this translate into a win/win for a veteran and private sector business? Quite simply you are hiring a proven individual who is highly trained to be disciplined, flexible, focused with stamina and loyalty.

They born ready to deliver the results necessary to drive the business.

I have great hope that like Microsoft other private sector employers AND DC will understand the "lost in translation" and begin to embrace transitioning service members who don't fit into the BA, MBA, PHD, internship, Big 4 traditional Resumix algorithm. Where results oriented actually translates into Hooyah!

(Hey CodeforAmerica.org can you help with the algorithm redesign?)

Pretty Little Boxes: Why Open Source Labs @ OSU Will Not ONLY Succeed But Thrive In Portland, OR

The winning inspiration from my 9yr old.

As I was sitting mulling over all of the potential titles for this blog, as so many "labels" come to mind:

Here are a few of the non winning titles:

1. Cultural Disconnect: Government in Action (reminded me too much of what Habermas would have written about in the "public sphere" way too mind numbing)
2. Trained to Fail
3. Why Wilbur & Orville Wright were able to succeed where others failed.
4. And my personal favorite:  Tales from the Island of Misfit Toys : AKA: Portland

I'm going to stop procrastinating now and get on with it.  I have had so many thoughts about what I was exposed to it has overwhelmed my synapses and made the squirrels in my head wind the yarn into a big fat ball of permutations and combinations.  I hope at least they are using a nice soft angora multicolored yarn with hues of periwinkle, blues, yellows and deep lavender :D

Enter the thought of all of the check boxes you need to be able to check to be accepted in the real world.  Whether that be for school (yes, Billy was able to identify the shape as a hexagon....CHECK..Does Susie have the ability to color with the "appropriate colors" when given the picture of the elephant.  NO!  She colored the elephant with purple and pink dots with blue tusks ....and OH SO UN CHECK!), for a job, (to even have your resume put into consideration with the 5 billion others applying for a job), e-harmony for a potential mate, or when voting someone into office....CHECK the appropriate Box.

 So here we all are Generation X, Y, Z etc.  realizing the jobs of yesteryear IE the ones where you worked for 25 years and were delighted to be a well paid factory worker at Singer Sewing Machine Co. or some other large factory with your pension about to be paid. You are ready to get the RV started up for you and your high school sweetheart so you can finally start living the good life and throw care to the wind....and then ooops!  Singer goes bankrupt, your pension disappears and your American Dream becomes Foreclosed.  You now have a Government Pension Guarantee taking it's place and your upper limit wasn't exactly(far from it in some cases) the amount you had paid into the pension and expected for "the golden years" when living begins .....

Reality strikes!  The benefit of the Generation "whichever letter you wish to identify yourself with, insert here X" is that the majority of us know that we are not guaranteed ANYTHING in job security, social security, any kind of "urity".  It is now the norm no matter what industry you are in to switch jobs every 18 months or so...

UNLESS!!!! Eureka!!!

You do what your (depression era) parent's tell you to do:  Find a nice safe job, one with benefits, a pension etc..

Enter the LAST BASTION of job security.... A job with the Government. (I am not meaning to generalize here as I know a ton of really cool forward thinking people who are public servants)

However, when sitting in Portland with the "Open Government Standards" group the NUMBER ONE hurdle to adoption was without a shadow of a doubt:  Cultural Change.  I don't get it!  How could you NOT want to change something SO BROKEN!  It is absolutely obvious that I have no qualms about challenging the public norm by any means.  As I always say, I am data driven.  So my squirrels start spinning...trying to put the puzzle pieces into place, where is the logic in this mess?  It does not compute <<<Said like a machine>>> .

Then the patterns began to emerge.  What do we know data wise about the demographics?

• You have a majority of public servants who are close or at retirement age.
• They are the majority of upper and middle management.
• They have lived by the codes, regulations that have been an institution for their entire gov lives.
• Their world has not had to change much in their tenure.  
• They have learned to use PC's but don't really see them as tools because they still have to fill things out in triplicate.  
• We have another "new greater, faster, prettier" application that someone has developed....But they forgot to do a business case and actually talk to the Users About What they ACTUALLY NEED! (That will be another blog in entirety) So it sucks and is much easier just to fill in the paperwork, get it signed up the routing list, fax it, scan it, put it in some file share where it will get lost with 50 other versions of the same variation of document...then file the paper copies in a big white binder and stash it in one of the gazillion filing cabinets where it will proceed to sit for time and all eternity.  But it's certainly much more simple than using this POORLY designed software....Now which one of the 50 gov websites do I need to go to in order to get training for hours on end on this software that really sucks.  How do I get my day job done when I am constantly having to certify, do paper work...MAN all I want to do is...RETIRE!
• The supervisor above them does NOT want to change either.  Embracing difference is not our way!  We need to make sure you dot your i's and CHECK THE PRETTY LITTLE BOXES!!!!!!!!

ENTER HOPE!  I went to Open Standards West with absolutely NO expectations.  I entered the Government Open Source Conference with the same....No expectations.  I really didn't want to listen to a bunch of people pontificating anymore about how they plan on changing government....I want ACTION!  Well hell, I've been looking for it for a long darn time now and I got smacked upside the head with people ACTUALLY DOING something...Not just talking about it!  Wow! Deep breath.

I also have to admit, I had no idea who any of the other presenters, speakers etc.  were.  I wanted to enter into it with a completely blank slate.  Well I did....and what I found was an amazing cross section of individuals who may or may NOT fit and check into Pretty Little Boxes.  But they all want to do something to help our cities, states and governments locally and around the world embrace something that is a strategic game changing adaptation to reduce costs, spillages, over budget, over time....Transparency, Teamwork, Empower the people to Participate!

Why was Portland absolutely perfect for this event?  People in Portland are well....different.  It is not only ok to be different but it is embraced whole heartedly.  As I always tell anyone that works for/with me:  I don't care if you are a one eyed, purple tattooed, alien from mars that works the best between the hours of 0130am and 0700am.  Ok so you may or may NOT have had the option of going to college but given that kids now days have grow up with a computer.....If you want to wear clothing that would be preferable since we do have to meet health codes....If you want to bring your dog fido or your iguana max to work as long as they play well with others and you do too I don't mind at all if it makes you happy to be at work or doing work.  My main concern is:

"WHAT CAN YOU PRODUCE"?  Show me what you can do and I will plow the road for you and your iguana.....and maybe give you a ride to your tattoo parlor on the back of my bike.




I'm exhausted now and have a conference call at 0815 tomorrow.  Have to polish up 3 presentations....

But I wanted to thank all of the amazing people who I met in Portland.  You gave me HOPE!

Risk Rewards a Personal Cost Benefit Model

I continually remind myself (especially today):


 If I want to recognize amazing love and goals in my short time on this earth. 


It will involve the following:

1. Huge amounts of risk
2. Crap loads of work
3. Endurance beyond my current knowledge
4. Tremendous amounts of PAIN!

 What have I learned in this life thus far?

1. Most times than not when I give it everything I have (Which is 99.9999% of the time), I stretch and mold into something more than I ever thought possible.
2. Even though it hurts, leaves wounds and makes me question myself being after I digest the pain.  I realize once again that it was not only worth it....It was the right thing to do.
3. I make tons of mistakes every day, I'll never be perfect but as long as I remain aware historically and don't recreate them it's all good....I do the best I can.
4. When I keep my mind and heart open even when recovering the alchemy of life never ceases to amaze me.  I learn more than I ever thought possible and even more when I am completely raw.
5. I don't expect anyone to understand my "mosaic way of thinking" Where most people see nothing....I see a neural network of universal connectivity....Simply, you may see only a white wall but I see thousands of patterns...the anomaly in the matrix.  I am quite pleased at my progress of being able to some what communicate my thoughts on a myriad of things professionally and personally.  (I'm just a mad scientist in the body of some blonde chick :)
6. Dream BIG and DREAM OFTEN!  Mostly the people who try to tear my dreams down are ones that have no dreams outside of there small circle of reality.  I don't expect anyone to understand my dreams or my version of reality.  I am unique, I dream unique, the way I choose to live isn't right for anyone else but me and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  It's a matter of finding compromise through transparency and management of expectations through language barriers. (Which is why I love the computer language so perfectly entitled BLISS) I digress...
7. I walk into every moment with a blank slate when I meet people.   I have no expectations, no judgments, no preconceived notions based on your appearance. (Ive met a lot of what most people would consider scary looking people in my life and have found that more time than not the tattoos, the piercings, the green Mohawk, the Marilyn Manson look are usually because they want one of two things:  People to notice them as unique in the land of Planned Urban Developments and strip malls (I had half a shaved head a blue tail and ripped jeans in my Sr. Yr of HS LOL Cyndi Lauper wanna be I was) or they want people to fear them because they actually fear people.  So it is easier to push them away than to try to fit in...Just my 2 cents.)  But whatever the reason it doesn't really matter I put it into the back of my knowledge bank for a potential birthday gift :D  and give everyone the same blank slate until they prove me wrong for doing so...A painful lesson for me many times over but that said....I can't stand when people judge me, my life, sex religion etc...it is ugly and not very loving...I am passionate about living and loving life. 

So what am I doing today?  I'm picking up my passionately living butt once again scars and all  and choosing to embrace whatever today might have in store for me.  I never know which moment might be my last AND I WANT everything the universe has to present to me! 


Unleash the Furies! 


NOTE: If it was easy everyone would do it instead of living through TV :D