I've been dwelling on this for a few weeks now....
I keep being asked the following question:
"So Susan, what do you want to do now?"
My reply several times when people inquired with that question:
"Well I can tell you what I am good at, finding diamonds in the rough, seeing patterns, the ability to filter background noise and simplify things. I am good at getting people to play nice in the sandbox. I am resilient and seasoned enough not to let the small stuff bug me. I still smile at very simple things. I can remind myself of how fortunate I am even in the worst situations. I can manage a whole herd of people in the midst of chaos without losing my calming voice and smile....I can compartmentalize to survive..to stubborn to die. I understand data it's black and white. One's and Zero's. On and Off. It is logic in it's most pure form. Don't tell me what can't be done. Tell me what you can do first. Tell me your end goal you seek. Let's figure out in an unfettered way what hurdles we need to overcome, either perceived or actual. Give me a white board, a cocktail napkin let me think outside the box with a development team, get them to stretch their imaginations. Because nothing is impossible. Sometimes, I think so far outside the box people I have a hard time without a white board explaining things. That and I am usually so passionate and excited about what I am thinking I talk at warp speed. So excited I want to give every minute detail of the logic involved in my thought process. I am so passionate I want to make sure I give you everything...Virtual Vomit to make sure I am presenting it in a way in which different factions of my audience can all understand.........WHEW!"
Response: "But Susan I didn't ask you what you are good at, I asked you what do YOU WANT to do?"
I said: "I'll have to get back to you on that one, I've never taken the time to truly contemplate what exactly I want to do."
So it started me stretching my own thoughts... A very good exercise in personal growth and an awesome reality check.
So let's see the patterns: I love kids, I love animals, I love old people, I love puzzles, I love researching, I love learning, I love helping people who are in need of help.
Little known facts: My first job (after babysitting) was I had a paper route, bought my first pair of ski's with my earnings. Bought my second pair of ski's. Taught skiing to little kids. Worked as a lifeguard, camp counselor, I was trained as a CNA in the Decca program in high school...worked at St. Mary's in the kitchen for the retired nun's...(Obviously they didn't talk me into being catholic a nun or nurse) I couldn't stand the way people were treated at the nursing home I was working at when I was 17...Gave up on medicine. Knew it would kill me emotionally. I've made cookies, worked in a factory making wiring harnesses for washers and dryers. I can change my own tire, oil, replace the regulator and take out my radiator and replace it with one I pulled out of another VW 1977 Rabbit at the junk yard. Enough random facts about me. I've worked my whole life and I'm never going to be embarrassed about it again. (remind me to write about that one)
I've always wanted to be an explorer of sorts, hang with Jane Goodall and embrace all the diversity that exists in this wonderful journey of a life.
I feel most alive when I am pushing every personal limit to the edge (not just for the adrenaline)....I believe that is what LIVING is all about in every cell of my existence. I could be among those who are just waiting to die....But to hell with that in a hand basket! If I don't go get what I want no one else is going to do it for me....that I know for damn sure.
So I still don't know what the answer is...yes or maybe there is no definitive answer. Perhaps, it is all about traveling, tasting, feeling, breathing, loving, helping, embracing chaos that is this life in which we live.
What's on my bucket list?:
- I'd love to write several books. I have a lot to say. It is just an overwhelming task that I can't do by myself right now. I would love to help people through my stories. I want to leave a legacy for my children.
- I want to go to Svalbard, Norway lie under a big furry blanket on a lawn chair and stair at the Aurora Borealis and dream of all the possibilities that exist in space and on earth.
- Along with that I'd love to dog sled across the tundra and live in an igloo.
- I COVET shoes. That said I can never find ones that I like. I have a design in my head. I would love to make custom shoes and I will. I've gone as far as how to make "lasts" when the holiday break settles me I will make my first pair of beautiful woman's shoes for myself.
- I would love to have more kids, adopt them whatever. Im adopted. I think I turned out fairly well. Why not give a child a home...
- Ride a horse across India with Relief Riders International and bring school, medical supplies to villages in Rajasthan
- Help people in poor parts of the USA. Reintroduce responsible agriculture, citizenship.
- My goodness this is just off the top of my head.
- Children are our hope for peace. We need to invest in them...Not just make factory workers. Teach them how to learn for themselves.
But all of this takes money (the necessary evil) so now I have to figure out how to profit from what I want to do and do the other things for the rest of humanity.
Happy Friday!
