After a long deep pause

After a long deep pause...

Sitting semi-sheshin in the woods...

It is time to re emerge from the quiet reflection of my introverted self...

I've been preparing to "Open up my suitcase" and share many of the things I have been guarding while reflecting...

My friends: bring out the Champagne Glasses & Sky Diving Equipment let's collaborate and share once again.

Thank you Susan Cain for eloquently explaining "me" to the "whole" so I don't feel the need to uncomfortably stutter through why I am who I am... You rock and thanks for opening up your suitcase ;-)

When Fear Is Not An Option

If you knew you were covered in fresh steak and walking into a cage filled with lions....

If you knew your life would never be the same.. 

Would you step in the cage?

If you still had a heart beat when "it" was over...

If "it" was ever over..

Would you give it all away?

Would you take a stand when everyone is sitting down... and tells you not too?

When they tell you, "You need to be quiet, sit nicely, play the game, be happy with what you have"...What about your job, what about your life, what about your stuff... Or...

Self Preservation?

If you knew it was the right thing to do...

You stand...Because fear is NOT an option... You stand knowing that if nothing else (even you) is left when the dust has cleared... Not one thing... 

You and whatever "spirit" belonged to you did what was right...

The moral compass points me home...

My life was only worth living if it is an honorable one.

War is Ugly...The On /Off Switch..Random thoughts

I'm trying to digest and understand a few things this morning one is :

Photos of soldiers w/ dead people.  Yep, I agree it's not a pretty sight.  Not something I want to see over breakfast..

BUT maybe we need to see it...

At the same time maybe the WORLD NEEDs to see equally how horrific the actions of  the  {Insert numerous countries here} atrocities are on a daily basis ...What leaders are capable of doing to their own people... Women, Children...Acid Burns, Mutilation, Rape of 6 year old girls, SLAVERY?....MAYBE then WE the People will understand the true cost all of this hate has to humanity.

We as a human race SHOULD be OUTRAGED... We claim to be "civilized" We claim to be enlightened yet we still treat each other as enemy predators.

Here are my random efforts to understand the "International Incident" that is now circulating with photos around the world....

While normal people have expressed outrage and find this practice 'grotesque, wrong, disturbing'  I would ask as humans: Who are we to cast the first stone from our glass houses?

"We the people" through our "elected representatives" (Which is supposed to be the case in America at least) have asked/allowed these young men and women to go KILL (YES KILL) other HUMANS on behalf and in the name of our country.  They are HUNTERS (A majority NOT highly trained ON/OFF Friend/Foe Kill Switch/ like our SOF teams)

This is their job.  This is what they train to do.

So you send them away from their families, kids, loved ones.  We have asked them to be the judge, jury and executioner of other HUMANS similar but usually speaking foreign tongues and wearing different types of clothing. (Just as their leaders have told them of you...) Confusing to a normal human mind to say the least.

Our Governments have deemed these other HUMANS to be a danger/menace to "our greater safety, health and well being" of OUR (supposedly) CIVILIZED society.  They send SOLDIERS to execute their strategy.


WAR IS UGLY


War is nasty, dirty, smelly disgusting It SUCKS the last of the HUMAN out of you (the one they have trained out of you).... Let's be honest here...You wonder why soldiers have such a high rate of PTSD, SUICIDE? Good grief it's not rocket science.....

It's NOT glamorous, fun or pretty. (Doesn't come with background music like in the movies)

So if ANYONE should be blamed for this disgrace it is ALL OF US.... Not some young soldier WE Trained and sent TO KILL people.  In essence these are hunting trophies.... (YUCK it curdles my blood to think that way... BUT it is the only way I can think of it) (Go where it has NOTHING to do with you being a HUMAN...Watch Humans skin Humans alive, sell them as easily as a goat, drag them through the streets (Like Mogadishu) and kill their own people with no conscience whatsoever)...

I'm not excusing it by any means... I'm only saying in my humble opinion WE NEED to take a long hard look at why we are expecting soldiers to exhibit super human psychology and "act appropriately" in such a completely inappropriate insane environment.

Until world leaders leave the safe confines of the "Waldorf Astoria" lifestyle and go spend some time "hunting" and equally being "hunted" by other HUMANS in a harsh environment...Please stop pretending that this doesn't happen on a daily basis globally... Do not make examples of a few individuals (when this is far from an isolated incidence) out to be evil and start throwing stones at glass houses.

Time For Me To Fly...

When I was a kid, I would pretend I could spread my wings and fly (Like Isis or Wonder Woman) to places I've never been.  I was never content to watch it on television or read it in a book.  I wanted to do it ;)  I still want to just do it... I have so much on my "bucket list" still left to explore and share in my life.

Although my container is a bit older and worn, I'm still that same kid.... With a glimmer in my eye, a giggle in my heart and the curiosity of a cumulative population of kindergarteners in a small country. 

I've been in this sort of ...."holding pattern" for a while now.

Not of my own accord for a majority of it...Waiting for others to give me "permission" to take off and fly again.   But, in a sense that is of my own accord, because I listened.  (It was a really wise decision for the majority of it).

However, the thoughts in my head continually echo the words of wisdom from another curious individual whose "escapades" in books have inspired my thinking for years.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain

So it's the 12th.... The variable inputs closed on the 1st (until this version has been thoroughly tested and ready for retooling) I gave myself until the 30th to plan.  Major execution begins sometime before or around then. I've already begun executing the smaller already well designed pieces.  It's the base jumping kind that still are in plan phase.  

Its really a relief to have an unfettered head and a completely open heart.  It's refreshing to freely be able to dedicate myself to the things that matter most to me in my life.  Life is good, I'm breathing, have all my fingers and toes, two healthy, happy exquisite Harrdegau creatures, amazing friends and an entire adventure ahead of me.... whatever it brings, I'm rolling with the changes ;)

I had totally forgotten (maybe repressed) an entire block of music from my life between the ages of 10-15 until couple of friends posted a few songs for me.  Kind of like Invictus this stuff means so many other things to me now than it did then.  Though, I am still haunted with memories of dancing around my friend Cindy's living room and getting busted by her mom for using the "Hi-Fi" turntable and blasting the speakers to Journey... LOL   Too much fun.

Last thought on that note.  I'm really really REALLY excited to see one of my oldest childhood friends soon. (Escapades to follow) She's one of those friends where we don't speak for eons because we have "real" lives... and we call and it is like no time has passed.  

I'll never forget walking off a plane in Miami... I'd been through an earthquake & a few other things and lost everything, she had been through 2 hurricanes (rode one out in a bathroom with her mom and somehow made it with only the bathroom & the roof above it still existing when the force stopped then moved back to Miami and had it all ripped away again...) both poor as crap college students and I finally made it (lots of hours waitressing, cleaning houses & studying)  to see her over spring break... and it was like we never left each others side.  We laughed, danced, stripped into and swam in the ocean at midnight and lived life large with nothing.  

Life is a journey and it is so much fun when you have awesome friends to share the ride with along the way.  It's time.... For me to fly.