Risk Rewards a Personal Cost Benefit Model

I continually remind myself (especially today):


 If I want to recognize amazing love and goals in my short time on this earth. 


It will involve the following:

1. Huge amounts of risk
2. Crap loads of work
3. Endurance beyond my current knowledge
4. Tremendous amounts of PAIN!

 What have I learned in this life thus far?

1. Most times than not when I give it everything I have (Which is 99.9999% of the time), I stretch and mold into something more than I ever thought possible.
2. Even though it hurts, leaves wounds and makes me question myself being after I digest the pain.  I realize once again that it was not only worth it....It was the right thing to do.
3. I make tons of mistakes every day, I'll never be perfect but as long as I remain aware historically and don't recreate them it's all good....I do the best I can.
4. When I keep my mind and heart open even when recovering the alchemy of life never ceases to amaze me.  I learn more than I ever thought possible and even more when I am completely raw.
5. I don't expect anyone to understand my "mosaic way of thinking" Where most people see nothing....I see a neural network of universal connectivity....Simply, you may see only a white wall but I see thousands of patterns...the anomaly in the matrix.  I am quite pleased at my progress of being able to some what communicate my thoughts on a myriad of things professionally and personally.  (I'm just a mad scientist in the body of some blonde chick :)
6. Dream BIG and DREAM OFTEN!  Mostly the people who try to tear my dreams down are ones that have no dreams outside of there small circle of reality.  I don't expect anyone to understand my dreams or my version of reality.  I am unique, I dream unique, the way I choose to live isn't right for anyone else but me and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  It's a matter of finding compromise through transparency and management of expectations through language barriers. (Which is why I love the computer language so perfectly entitled BLISS) I digress...
7. I walk into every moment with a blank slate when I meet people.   I have no expectations, no judgments, no preconceived notions based on your appearance. (Ive met a lot of what most people would consider scary looking people in my life and have found that more time than not the tattoos, the piercings, the green Mohawk, the Marilyn Manson look are usually because they want one of two things:  People to notice them as unique in the land of Planned Urban Developments and strip malls (I had half a shaved head a blue tail and ripped jeans in my Sr. Yr of HS LOL Cyndi Lauper wanna be I was) or they want people to fear them because they actually fear people.  So it is easier to push them away than to try to fit in...Just my 2 cents.)  But whatever the reason it doesn't really matter I put it into the back of my knowledge bank for a potential birthday gift :D  and give everyone the same blank slate until they prove me wrong for doing so...A painful lesson for me many times over but that said....I can't stand when people judge me, my life, sex religion etc...it is ugly and not very loving...I am passionate about living and loving life. 

So what am I doing today?  I'm picking up my passionately living butt once again scars and all  and choosing to embrace whatever today might have in store for me.  I never know which moment might be my last AND I WANT everything the universe has to present to me! 


Unleash the Furies! 


NOTE: If it was easy everyone would do it instead of living through TV :D