Sept 11th

Not somthing I discuss much or think about very often, it was most likely one of the most painful days of my entire life… I would hope it is the last one of that kind....I suppose it is rather cathartic for me to write this at this point, who knows… I am just writing.
So on 9-11, where were you?
I know exactly where I was as the picture in my mind is ingrained so deeply. I was in the pool with my then 7 month old twins in Greenwich, CT at swimming lessons with my wonderful aupair Sabrina (who had just arrived from Germany. The day she came to me from training we went to the top of the towers and danced the samba between them with the twins in baby bjorns afterward.... I have pictures of the twins on top of the towers 3 days before they fell all of us smiling and happy) swimming bliss fully at the YMCA baby swim lessons. We dressed them, and I dressed in my work out clothing, knowing that they would fall asleep during a walk outside after the swimming and I would go for a run..... It was one of the few times I did not have my cell phone with me. I had everyone situated, kissed them goodbye out front of the YMCA and let Sabrina start her journey “down the avenue.”
I walked back inside the YMCA for a work out and passed by the “day care” area and notice the women were wailing… I almost walked to the work out room and said to myself somthing is wrong and those kids cant be ok....I turned around and went back. I walked up to the care givers with the radio blaring in the background and asked “obviously somthing is wrong (noticing all the kids playing and them crying) how can I help?” They said “havent you heard” I said “heard what?” They proceeded to tell me how the first tower had fallen, i must have turned 5 shades of white and turned on my heel and ran....
Craig (my husband worked across the street, my best friend Pam worked on the 61st floor) I ran to find Sabrina walking peacefully down the avenue.... and said “we have to move out now” Needless to say that didnt translate correctly in my German LOL. We drove like maniacs to my inlaws house, the police that stand at the corners seemed to understand the look of utter dispair on my face when I blew through the intersection....and did not raise their hand.
So to make a long story short.... 8 hours later after understanding that I was now a widow with 2 small children, I learned that I was one of the fortunate few. As Craig walked up the driveway blackened and covered in soot from head to toe I was allowed to have a father for my children.
The voice mail messages I recieved 7 days later haunt me to this day: “I am looking out my window and a plane seems to have hit one of the towers, I am going to finish my trades and be home soon.” “Another plane seems to have hit the other tower, I am going to close my positions and be home soon” .... “The market will be closing shortly, I think the towers are unstable, I will be h....” I am so lucky I did not have to live with the cut out vm knowing he perished.
Every Christmas I feel so increadibly fortunate that I am not the one who has to explain why their father is not there.... I remember and will never forget.
The 13 lost in my circle are still there.... the thousands lost due to hatred and continued war never leave my mind. I am greatful for every day that I am allowed to continue to live and taste life. I am thankful that I have my kids and they still have a father.... I love life each and every breath I take and realize just how damn fortunate I am.....